Why laughter is good for your mental health

RESIST THE SELF-PITY TEMPTATION!

Let’s be honest, when life throws lemons at you, for the average human your first response is to trash the lemons. Making lemonade comes as an afterthought unless you are among the few people who have consciously trained their brains to make lemonade instantly.

I wasn’t among the few until recently, I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity. I fell into the trap of “Talk about it, you will feel better” but the only thing I felt when I talked was more pain and self-condemnation. The more I talked the more I conjured up the spirit of self-pity, I was giving it power over me. I kept feeding it, but as it grew I wasn’t getting the healing I longed to get, each “How are you?” was accompanied by the temptation to go on and on about how life had been unfair to me. How I didn’t deserve the lemons that were being thrown at me.

Then one day, as I scrolled through the streets of social media, I landed on a short video where the speaker shared that you are responsible for how you feel. You may have been hurt, but how you feel is not the responsibility of the other party, but rather it is yours. I watched that video twice but her voice kept on reverberating in my mind and I had an epiphany! I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself, I was going to stop looking for self-pity. If anyone asked, “How are you?” I was going to fight the temptation to solicit self-pity. I wasn’t going to dwell so much on the pain but look for purpose through the pain. I knew I wouldn’t find the purpose if I kept on reliving the pain. I stopped talking to those who I considered to be triggers of self-pity. And if anyone called and I sensed them going down the “how are you?” route, I would instantly change the subject to talk about something more positive.

And like a charm, it started working. I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself anymore. I started rediscovering some of the things I loved before this whole escapade happened. And what a wonderful thing that was, to be able to feel like myself again, to look into the mirror and recognize the person looking back at me.  I acknowledged the pain and worked through it to get to a place of healing where I can speak about it without breaking down.

Rediscovering Myself

Hello! Its been a minute since my last blog post. In the minute; I lost weight, gained weight, left a job, started a business, closed the business and got back into formal employment, wrestled through a depression that almost took my life and now I am back! It has been a rollercoaster that  left me feeling lost in the process.

The past couple of months have been about me rediscovering myself, getting back to the basics of the things that are me, things that define me.

As I embark on the journey to rediscovery, I invite you to join me.

Embracing the stretch marks

Back in secondary school; I remember the girls always talked about how stretch marks were sexy and that guys found them appealing. I was 14, I knew nothing about being sexy or appealing, I was too shy and timid to even care. I was busy trying to stay under the radar to pay attention to their conversations also I didn’t have the stretch marks and these conversations were a constant reminder of how unattractive I felt. Fast forward to my adult life, I start reading and hearing people complain about stretch marks. How they are unattractive, and itchy and other things I don’t remember.
Long story short I didn’t really know much about stretch marks because I didn’t have them! And then I got them. Imagine my shock when I started working out more diligently and then I noticed tiny lines on the skin between my hip bone and upper thigh area. My initial reaction was shock, then I got confused because I didn’t know whether to think of them as attractive or unattractive. And then with time I noticed that as my thighs toned down they become more visible. At some point I contemplated putting a halt to the workout program. No one warned me that this would happen; how do I deal with this? What if all the working out causes me to have unsightly stretch and horrible loose skin?

I will admit that for sometime( 2 months to be exact) I gave up on the working out, simply because I had let the wrong kind of thoughts creep up on me. I gave them power over me and they had quiet a blast.

Then I noticed that the stretch marks were not disappearing and though I kept my weight steady at 67kgs (I have no idea how this happened) I still felt guilty deep down. My body missed the regular sweat and release of energy that it was used to. My blood wasn’t flowing as it used to when I was working out. I wasn’t feeling as flexible as I used to. In short, I felt like something was amiss.
So I took a decision to stop whining about stuff I had no control over, and start working on what I could change. I took the baby steps, I began with YOGA and some mild exercise and then gradually worked my way back to the high intensity that I had got used to.
I chose to embrace the stretch marks they are a sign that I am doing something right, a daily reminder for me to stay the course and when I get to where I want to be I can look into ways of how to get rid of them.

Everything Black

A while back a friend of mine coming to Uganda for a visit decided to buy me a bright red body bodycon dress. When I got it and tried it on I was so excited, I looked and felt great, I liked how it accentuated my curves. Mehn it made me look like a goddess( I wasn’t afraid to show the curves off I wasn’t planning for a throw on or light sweater to cover up the curves instead I embraced them)
So excited I send her a message thanking her with a selfie( well a blurry one that didn’t really do justice to how I felt; blame it on the 📷)and I had already got the perfect occasion( I even got the accessories ready) for it- it was going to be the one I wore when welcoming back my person. Long story short she was happy I liked the dress and told me her motivation for the red dress was because I have too much black in my closet. I went like “really!” she is like yep! And to make matters worse that day I had on a navy blue buggy cute dress top.
I went back home reflecting on what she had said about my closet, it’s not like she had actually seen my closet but those words haunted me. The next day I went through my closet and to my surprise I realised that majority of my outfits are dark colours(black, navy blue and more black) even my cute dresses that I LOVE are black 😲🙀. They say you are supposed a cute LBD, that’s what i kept telling myself whenever I saw an LBD that caught my fancy and so as a result I have quiet afew of them.
When I reflected on my choice of outfits, it hit me; I have always felt comfortable in the dark coloured outfits because they masked my insecurities about my body. Yes; believe it or not I had and still continue to struggle through those insecurities. The dark coloured clothes always made me look slimmer and I didn’t have to feel like people were starring at me or that men were about to make some weird annoying sexiest comment( I hated (well I still do) when someone especially of the opposite sex made a comment about my hips or behind). I always felt dehumanised, there is more to me than just those curves.
So I decided that I am no longer going to be held hostage anymore I am now making a deliberate effort to brighten up my closet with warm lighter colours. As for my insecurities when I started working out, they are slowly starting to disappear; perhaps because I am busy with other stuff that I don’t have time to sit around worrying about what people will say I look like or what they want me to look like.
I am writing my own story, enjoying all the punctuations,literary styles,sentences and paragraphs that come with it.

DECEMBER & JANUARY MANENOS…

 

So during the festive season I tried my level best to eat healthy and avoid the January blues of weight gain. I kept to my diet, didn’t eat anything out of the ordinary, I increased my water intake, increased intake of green tea, I kept my food boiled and tried my level best to stay away from rice, posho/pap.  Although I must say I got a bit lazy on the working out front, I could count the times I actually worked out on my fingers. This laziness was made worse by the fact that I had started getting the “You are losing too much weight, STOP it” comments. A couple of my friends were worried that my curves were disappearing and they were not sure if I would look good without my signature curves.  So I let myself go a bit, I could tell my body wasn’t happy with all the drama of me not working out.

I started feeling the effects soon enough, suddenly I wasn’t as flexible anymore ( I am not sure if this was real or imagined though). Then I started getting paranoid with the food I ate (I swear I feel this is one of the ways people develop eating disorders) I was afraid to eat any comfort food because I wasn’t sure my body would be able to break it down in time. Calories became my worst fear, I would obsess about how many calories I am consuming, obsess about what calories were contained in whatever I consumed. This unhealthy downward spiral was because I wasn’t working out, and although I knew this; there was nothing much I could do about it. I kept on telling myself, you have January, so relax for now and go crazy in January.

In came January, I was hyped and looking forward to resuming my workout routine then my family plans a road trip to western Uganda (Story for another day, it was an amazing trip…). Even with all the excitement I had told my body to behave, no craving junk  and I was only going to feed it healthy food, I thought “well, the healthy food will not increase my weight” all these were LIES LIES LIES LIES. Much as I ate healthy, in the villages people don’t cook unhealthy food, yes it was all fresh from the garden, the chicken and goats were freshly slaughtered so I was all good to go. I ate and had a blast with the food (I can never say no to Matooke (banana plantain) especially the steamed one, and who walks away from local chicken its taste is far superior to the broilers we are fed in Kampala then of course there was the goat meat, initially I wasn’t a fan until when I tasted well prepared goat meat both roasted and boiled.)  We were gone for the weekend and when I came back, all the food I had eaten manifested on my tummy.

The people, who were once complaining about my rapid weight loss, were now complaining about how big my tummy had got over the past few days (goes to show, that you shouldn’t pay too much attention to what people say, it’s hard to please them). As my festive season comes to an end officially I am getting back to working out like my life depends on it, and of course I will keep you updated.

Numbers uhmmmm not really

I have a love hate relationship with the weighing scale. Sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me and I find myself on it while other times (especially the times when I know i have eaten more than enough junk) I hate going on it.

Early on in my weight loss journey I decided that i would only go on it once a month, usually at the end to determine if indeed I am getting any work done. Initially this worked for me and then when I started seeing 68.5, 67.1 the points just got to my nerves for some reason I don’t like them. So I fell off the wagon and instead I started ensuring that I kept to my workout routine and that is all I needed. For as long as I sweated and felt my heart being pushed to pump out more blood that’s all I needed.

So right now as I type this, I haven’t been on a weighing scale in a month and I feel good about it. I don’t feel over weight, instead I feel healthier and happier without having to worry about what the numbers say.

Perhaps at some point I will resume my initial plan of checking my weight every month but for now our relationship is complicated.

PS: The last time I checked I was 67.1kgs according to my BMI that’s normal for me. My goal though is to get to 60kgs so hopefully when my tummy is flatter and thighs thinner I will gather the courage to make up with the weighing scale.

OF PMS…

Painful boobs, horrible moods swings, weird cravings and oh the break out in my face this is how my monthly visitors made their announcement that they were on their way. I always felt like my body had been invaded by an alien. However much I tried to get used to this monthly ordeal I could never shake it off. So I shared my ordeal with a trusted acquaintance who is also a herbalist.

“It is hormonal balance” she typed in a WhatsApp chat we were having. I gave her the bulging eye emoji with an expression of are you serious? That can’t be! But she insisted and gave me the remedies I could use to correct it. So I started faithfully taking the herbal concoction with faith that it was going to fix my imbalance, after one month there was a significant improvement. My symptoms had somewhat become bearable but they didn’t completely disappear. I sent her another chat that went something like this “Hey… How long do I have to continue taking these herbs before this completely stops?” Her response was that these things take time so give it a period of 3 months before you can see the results you want. So I continued taking the herbs, however after some time I got bored with taking the daily concoction🙈. And boom I was back to where I had been before the herbs and this time it was worse I would literally never want my bra off because the pain and sensitivity in my boobs was unbearable. The breakouts on my face got horrible I would want to hide when this would happen, my usually smooth face would look so rugged. These breakouts left spots in their wake one time someone asked “Joan, what happened to your face?” this broke my heart and my confidence. I tried using makeup to cover my imperfect face, and instead I made the situation worse.  And then the cravings would hit the roof, I would feel sick if I didn’t get what I wanted. Wait; did I mention the bloated stomach which would make me appear pregnant. So I was back to feeling like a prisoner and yet I still felt lazy to take the daily herbal tea.

Fast forward to September when I began my healthy living lifestyle which includes a regular dose of Yoga, lots of cardio and water as well as a healthier diet and guess what; all that hormonal balance drama is gone. This month I waited for the usual drama and there was none, no painful sensitive boobs, painful backache or breakout.  My face remained flawless and so without even realizing it I have given my body the best gift, when I properly take care of it, it will also take care of me.

So although I still get the cramps, because of the frequent exercise this pain has equally reduced. Those who have seen me when this pain comes will tell you how it would change me. The pain would be so unbearable, I couldn’t even walk upright for those 3 days i would be confined to being in bed unless if I took painkillers( my cramp experience in detail will be a story for another day) point is though that the pain has reduced greatly  and become bearable who knows when I will come back singing that the cramps are now history😊.

On working out blues…

When I started working out I was too hyped up especially when I started seeing the results of my work being manifested. Often times I felt invisible almost like I was in a utopian state of mind.

And then the blues started kicking in when I would look in the mirror. I felt like my progress had stagnated (or at least that how I felt). The muscle aches had stopped, I was now doing all the reps of the workouts that would knock me out previously.  I was feeling lighter. Ideally this should have made me feel better yet somehow I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right. See; when you get the muscle aches right after a workout, you usually know that you are on to something. But what happens when now you are better? Does it mean that the body isn’t burning as much calories as it was in the beginning? Does it mean that instead of doing 20 sit-ups I do 40? Mehn I was desperately looking for answers.

On top of that was the fact that some days were simply dull. I didn’t have the zeal to work out. Not because I felt I had arrived with my weight loss goals but mainly because my body was now used to the exercises I was doing. And I wasn’t feeling the impact I wanted

So one day as I was busy looking for ways of how to motivate myself I came across an article which encouraged that you have a variety of exercise routines such that you switch it up  and avoid the blues I was having. Now instead of just having Yoga and cardio on my menu I switched it up to what I now have (I hope to share this soon)

And then I went on a spree of looking for motivation quotes and created a vision board of sorts (it’s on my phone so really it’s a vision board of sorts). I went on Instagram and searched people who had succeeded at this thing call weight loss, and saved their pictures, I saved the quotes generally I saved everything and anything which had a positive vibe. I started taking pictures of my food, not to show off but to inspire me on days when all I wanted was junk. So now each time I feel low I look at this vision board/ photo collage I get some motivation to fight off the blues.

I also went on YouTube and got a number of short workout videos these range from 5-10mins. When the blues come on I will at least do a 5 minute workout even though sometimes I don’t even complete the 5 minutes.

However, there are times where all this doesn’t work and guess what! I just sit that out and get busy with other stuff; either reading or watching my favorite TV shows. Strange thing is, when I sit it out, I eventually get the motivation to work out much later on. So sometimes I start my workout at 10:00pm or later depending on when the motivation comes knocking.

Bottom line is these blues are very real!

The Time Is Now

“You haven’t yet given birth why are you wasting your time working out?” someone told me boldly, her reasoning was that I need to first get done with the whole birthing experience and then concentrate on being in shape.

My first instinct was to first assure her (I love assuring people who think they know everything and anything) so instead of assuring her I felt sorry for her. I don’t really blame her, coming from a society where being overweight is associated with being wealthy, some men will want to marry a thick woman because she looks more presentable, and then of course when you’re in a relationship and your significant other starts to add more weight, it’s taken to mean that you are doing a fantastic job! And then clothes for Plus size people are expensive( I will talk more about this some other time but for now lets stick to “the time being NOW“). Generally our mindset has been tuned to think that being overweight is the way to go, BUT is it really?

I refuse to subscribe to this kind of thinking, there is no better time to start working out than now. The only time we are assured of is NOW, so why waste time postponing my chance to look and feel great simply because I am not yet a mummy!

And so to encourage you, grab hold of the bull by its horn TODAY don’t wait for tomorrow what if it never comes then what? Or what if it comes and the circumstances don’t allow for you to work out? What if I get to tomorrow and I am told that I can’t conceive because I am either over weight or underweight then what? There is so much that can happen between now and tomorrow. So choose to live in the NOW. If you feel the urge to work out or to live a healthier lifestyle please listen to your instincts.